you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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