i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
