Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
