Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
