May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize