Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
