I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
