he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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