we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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