I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
