Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
