Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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