You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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