drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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