you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
