i need an iv and a liver transplant
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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