Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
