Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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