i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize