her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
