We're like a lot better than the average bears
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
