There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
