Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
