I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
