Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
