Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
