did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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