I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
