He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
