oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
