She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
