How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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