There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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