i don't plan on having that self control this summer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
