sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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