Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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