i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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