In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
