The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
