i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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