You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
