Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My feet surprised me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
