I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
