remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
