wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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