We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
