at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
