Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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