honey bunches of taint.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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