Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
