honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
