Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
