I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
