He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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