some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He shit in the fireplace
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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