you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
