she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize