I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
