I'm going to jail i love you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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