shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
