I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
