My room smells like vodka and shame
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
