Got a toothbrush?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
