If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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