Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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