Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
