She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
