Already got asked if we're dating
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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