Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
